7:00am, Sweet morning dreams curl me around my pillow. I cling to it tightly, like a woman. Vaguely I hear a knocking sound. I cling more tightly to the pillow. The sexy lady plumber is knocking at the door. She wants to come back to me. The knocking grows louder and louder. She is so hungry to see me again. I hear a voice. It must be my sexy lady plumber calling after me. She wants to brush my back with the toilet brush.
“Oh, my panda, my sweet panda,” I whisper to my precious pillow, hugging it still tighter.
“Ben, Ben, wake up! WAKE UP!”
"Ben, what’s the toilet brush doing next to your bed?" Embarrassed, I take it back to the bathroom.
“You didn’t wash your hands.”
Embarrassed again, I return and wash my hands.
“Let me tell you what happened.”
“Not now, we have to hurry.”
After a quick shower and shave, we go down hotel canteen to have breakfast. Because my room has two beds, I have an extra breakfast voucher for Ollie. The canteen serves a breakfast buffet from 7am-10pm. The rest of the time it’s a café. Ollie tells me the deco is old
at the next door table. I smile at her, but she looks away. Still scared, I guess.
Breakfast in China is not like an English breakfast: dumpling with minced meat - called Bao - or dumpling without meat - called Mantou, fried dumpling sticks; porridge with vegetable leaves or with eggs; milk or soymilk; fried and pickled vegetables and watermelon.
I select some and put them on my plate and sit in front of a window with Ollie. We have great fun watching people come and go on the street. Finally I get a chance to tell Ollie the whole sexy lady plumber story and we have a good laugh – but I don’t tell her that the lady in question is sitting at the next door table. And I definitely don’t tell her that she finally smiles at me.
“Ben, you will have to be careful,” Ollie says. “You could find yourself in a big mess.”
“Ollie, would you like a cup of coffee?” I say, trying to change the subject.
“But Ben, we have got to go now. The pandas eat breakfast at 9:00 am; it’s a pity to miss it.”
“But pandas eat all day and I won’t be able to drink coffee for ten hours. I’m a coffee addict, you know.”
“No, but after breakfast the pandas will sleep. We don’t want to see sleeping pandas, do we?”
“But without coffee, I’ll be too sleepy to see the pandas. In the City, I started with at least four cups of coffee every day for 10 years. If I don’t have enough coffee, I get a caffeine withdrawal headache.”
Ollie looks into my sad, desperate face. With a look of studied resignation, she orders coffee. When it arrives, I make a grab for it, but, smiling ever so sweetly, she quickly whisks the coffee from under my quivering lips and pours it into an empty Evian bottle!!
“OK, Mr. ‘I-can’t-start-the-day-without-four cups-of-coffee,’ let’s go. You’re not in the City now."
‘Yes, madam." I salute her, and we laugh again. How can I resist her?
Walking out of the hotel, we see two girls sitting on chairs eating barbequed Chinese-style kebabs. One is an octopus leg.
With help from Ollie, I buy two small snacks. One is called Ye E Ba - sticky rice with minced pork wrapped inside a lotus leaf. Ollie buys something called purple sticky rice zong zi. While eating and walking, finally Ollie takes out the bottled coffee! Finally, I can feel awake! But when she hands me the bottle, it slips and falls to the pavement. I bend and pick it up, wipe the top with a tissue and am about to drink it.”
“STOP!” shouts Ollie. “How can you even think of drinking that!? Throw it away!” Heartbroken, I find a rubbish bin and chuck the coffee. When I turn around, I find myself looking into Ollie’s sweet, smiling face. She is holding a cup of coffee for me that she has bought at the kiosk next to us.
I finally get some life into my body.
We pass a Japanese supermarket called Ito Yokado. Ollie tells me that they have a very good reputation for quality and the service. Of course the price is higher than others. It’s like Waitrose in
“What are those old people doing there?”
“Every day, this supermarket puts different foods on special offer, like fish or prawn. But the quantity is limited, so the retired people get up early to queue and catch the bargains. ‘Early birds get the worms.’ Isn’t that what you say in
“It’s amazing that the supermarket provides chairs.” I am impressed by this kind little consideration and decide to do all my shopping in this supermarket.
We walk to a roadside taxi. When the driver sees us, a grim smile appears on his hin greedy face. Ollie exchanges words with him, and then turns to me to explain:
“He refuses to use the meter to go to the Panda Centre. It’s illegal not to use the meter. But since I don’t remember clearly how to get there, it might be better.”
Ollie translates the conversation with the taxi driver for me:
“I will charge you £6 an hour.”
“Then how long will it take?”
“About two hours.”
“If we don’t go by time, how much it would be if you take us to there?”
‘80 RMB (£8),’ replies the driver, stone-faced.
“I checked on internet, it only cost about 30-40 RMB (£3-4).”
The driver laughs, showing off his yellow dirty teeth: “At that price, you’ll be waiting here all day. You won’t find any taxi to take you there.” Making a gesture with his hands, he drives off. Ollie should have taken the taxi. Now I might have to wait for ever for another dose of caffeine.
Two minutes later, another taxi stops in front of us, this time a young guy with an extra clean cab and a Michael Jackson doll hanging from the car mirror.
“We’re going to the Panda Centre, “says Ollie. “Are you going to use the meter?’
“Of course. It’s illegal not to. What kind of person do you think I am, lady?” He obviously feels insulted, and moves as if about to drive off.
“No, no, don’t go. Quick, Ben, jump in.”
We jump in. I can see Ollie got hurt by the last cabbie and doesn’t trust this one. She keeps looking out of the window and questioning him, always translating so I know what is going on.
“This isn’t the right direction. We should be going east but you’re heading north.”
“But the Panda Centre is in the north,” replies the driver, obviously making a big effort to be patient keep his temper. I nudge Ollie, urging her to let up, but she doesn’t listen.
“Are you sure you are taking us to the right Panda Centre?’ Ollie’s eyes bulge with questions, poor girl! She’s like a deer once deeply hurt by humans who can never trust them again.
“There is only one Panda Centre in
Finally, we arrive. Ollie now thinks that it’s a fake centre. But then she spots the famous Panda gate.
Only 30 RMB showing on the meter! He’s an honest driver after all. Ollie lowers her head in shame, tears in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,’ she repeats over and over. The driver just looks back and says gently: "That’s Ok, that’s Ok. That’s Ok."
I guess that’s life. When we get hurt by other people, we start suspecting everyone. Given time, we’ll learn to sort the good from the bad. Meantime, we just have to swallow our pride, apologize and keep on strutting. Most taxi drivers are honest, While I was in
“Ollie, don’t you think it would be a good idea to put a price guide in the tourist hand book? For example: ‘From the airport to Chun Xi road is about 40 RMB?’ and so on. We could publish the prices on the internet, like the housing price guide website in
While I am still dreaming of my guide book, Ollie has already bought two pnda Centre tickets.
“In Chinese, ‘panda’ also refers to rare and precious things or well treated people. In the old days, the best students’ hall in our university was for foreign students. We called it “the panda house.” And in another famous technological university, girls are so rare that the boys call the girl’s hall “the panda house as well,” explains Ollie.
“You are a panda!” I say as a complement.
“Ah, do you mean I am too fat!” Ollie looks very unhappy.
“Sorry, Ollie. How could I know ‘panda’ sometimes means ‘precious’ but other times ‘fat’!?”
Adult Pandas
Each adult panda has his or her own area. They either sit far away constantly eating bamboo or hang from trees, apparently as deep in thought as Aristotle.
Young Pandas
One-year-old pandas (teenagers!) live together and play on wooden shelves. They crawl over each other, push each other off their perches, generally playing the fool and acting like slow-mo clowns.
Baby Pandas (a couple of months old)
Baby pandas (a couple of months’ old) live in the indoor nursery. They rollick and tussle with each other, climbing up and down, falling over on their fat little buts, only to get straight back up and head for the top again. If the carer leaves the door open by mistake, they will sneak away and the carer has to carry them back. They never stay still, a teacher’s worst nightmare who can get away with anything by just looking cute and innocent. They look like living black and white teddy bears.
We aren’t allowed to see the new born pandas, who are in intensive care. Until I watched the movie (in English) in the Panda Centre, I didn’t know how tiny they are, just like little rats. That’s why some pregnant pandas don’t know they are pregnant, and are scared out of their skins when tiny little strange things start popping out of their body. How confusing it must be for the? Men sometimes are confused too when they see their baby. But then men never do know for sure who’s baby it is:‘ Mummy’s baby, Daddy’s maybe!’
Where is Ollie? I secretly think she is as cute as a panda but I dare not tell her in case she thinks I mean she is too fat.
Souvenir make of shit, Panda shirt
I look around and see her coming towards me with a souvenir. It is a lovely panda, and looks like it’s made of dried grass.
‘It’s lovely.’ I kiss it.
‘Ha! Do you know what it’s made of? Shit, panda shit.’ Ollie laughs.
I grab a tissue to clean my mouth. Actually, it doesn’t taste too bad, at least much nicer than the smell in my toilet last night.
Walking out of the Panda Centre, I see a dog dyed like a panda!Sometime we dress like Michael Jackson while dogs dress like pandas
